I don’t like being in-between. I’m not who I used to be, I’m not yet who I want to be; I’m in between.
I find it sad here; in between. I almost feel as if I am going to suffocate at times. But the next moment I snap out of it, and I realize I’m still here.
It’s sad because I wish I were doing what I love to do but find my self stuck doing what I have to do. When does what I have to do yield it’s grip on me releasing me into doing what I want to do? I don’t know the answer.
I used to think it was me; some deficiency that kept me here. Then I gave up on that notion because it made me more depressed.
How do you do something when you don’t know what to do? How to you fix a problem that you don’t know how to fix? I don’t think you do; you conclude. Not settle; conclude.
Conclude means I accept where I’m at, for now. Settle means I remain where I’m at, forever. To conclude means, based on all the evidence up to this point, this is where I am, and I will be ok with it, but I won’t settle for it. To settle means this is where I’m at and this is all there is for me.
Settlers don’t move and movers don’t settle.
SO, I guess I continue to both move and wait. I continue living each day with the expectation that this could be the day. I continue to practice my craft, get better at my dreams, and continue to perfect my skills and passion for the things I love to do, all the while doing what I have to do, until…
Until I get the call, the email, the text, or the letter alerting me that my presence is requested at the next level of life.
The next level, I believe, is by invitation only. You don’t invite or demand your way there; you remain present until the door opens and then walk through.
Someone WILL see you. You won’t remain in hiding forever.
From obscurity to notoriety, your time will come. Just continue to prepare for it. It’s better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared.
And on the days you do feel like you are you – the you you’ve always dreamed of being – take a moment to drink it all in. Bask in the moment. Don’t let the day go by without honoring it for allowing you to put on you; even if it were but just for a day.
And when that day goes away, be prepared for whatever the next day brings. Don’t judge it. Don’t be disappointed with it. Just be in it as it is, knowing that sooner or later today will look like you’ve always dreamed it would be.
